You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize