It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
