chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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