I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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