She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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