sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
