I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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