He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
