He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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