they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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