Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My dick has a subreddit
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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