dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
