Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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