I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
