It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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