I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
