But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
