Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize