Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
