I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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