Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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