its not stalking. its research.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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