Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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