Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
