This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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