my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
