i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
