its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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