Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can't turn off my feet"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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