drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
ttyl tear gas
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
