I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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