I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
