This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
