Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She's JV to your varsity
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
