Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
pop tarts are not kleenex
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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