the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
