Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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