You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
