where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize