literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
