He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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