Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
