I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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