How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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