Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
