just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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