sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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