I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
