how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
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