It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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