my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
