My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
