..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
