He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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