I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
