It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
