He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
