Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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