thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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