my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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