I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
