We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
