I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
