He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
