I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
