Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
